Heidi Klum’s Creepy Halloween Costume? I Still Woudn't Say No.

 

 

Heidi Klum’s Creepy Halloween Costume: Heidi Klum arrived to host her annual Halloween party in Las Vegas dressed as a terrifyingly realistic body from Bodies The Exhibition.

The Project Runway host hit the red carpet under a sheet on a blood-smeared gurney and, lest anyone forget she’s a supermodel, also strapped on a pair of outrageous heels to go with her…muscles.



This woman is so hot even without skin she would be on top of my list as prime masturbating material.

How Old Are You????

For Halloween these kids dressed up as something that stopped being a thing nearly a decade before they were born.
THAT’S HOW OLD YOU ARE

Failed Marriage Proposal On National TV

Wow. That is epic.
I have foxtel so I don't watch free to air tv.
As far as i'm concerned if i'm going to pay for tv then i'm not going to watch any station that can be accessed by any houso with a $29 setop box.
Unfortunately it also means that I usually miss out on little nuggets like this one.
This is a manly supporter proposing to his girlfriend after the grand final.
She honestly shit all over this kid on national TV.
As a EELS fan I love this clip.
That girl is badass, hell I wanna ask her to marry me.
Maybe this time somebody will say no so I don't have to take it back 3 days later when I realised what a huge mistake i've made.

The (NOT) so Sexy Motivational Poster of the Week

This poster proves that there is at least one person on earth who's shit smells like roses.
She dosn't seem too bothered by the smell.
Don't worry i sent her an email to find out what she eats.
Imagine how much water you could save if the whole family only had to flush once a day.
Plus your house would always smell fresh the day after Indian food night.

Florida Trooper pulls Miami officer over for going 120 mph

A Miami police officer pulled over for reckless driving by a Florida Highway Patrol officer was ordered out of his car at gunpoint, then handcuffed and detained in an incident caught on the trooper’s dash cam.
State patrol officer D.J. Watts pursued the zigzagging Miami officer, 35-year-old Fausto López, for nearly five minutes at speeds topping 120 miles per hour. When he finally stopped, Watts approached the vehicle with her gun drawn “for her own safety.”
Lopez told the trooper he moonlights at a private school during off-duty hours, and was rushing to avoid being late. López was charged with second-degree reckless driving and released.
“We immediately launched an administrative investigation,” a Miami Police spokesman told The Miami Herald. “However, we’re taking a back seat, and watching the criminal process as it takes place. At the conclusion of the criminal process we will take whatever administrative action we deem necessary.”

Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth???

A fairly depressing series of photographs from North Korea’s version of the happiest place on Earth: Mangyongdae funfair.
The amusement park, located a few Kms north of Pyongyang, is the last of its kind in the dreary dictatorship, and certainly fits the milieu.
Chock full of dilapidated and downright dangerous rides, Mangyongdae tests its deadly attractions on local farmers before allowing foreign visitors aboard.

Better Hope your Faith is Worth it.

Nothing Goes Together Like Whiskey and Cigarettes

 

 

They actually keep their kid in that costume all year round.  It was the only way his wife could get him to remember to bring their son home from the bar

Tebowing. The Latest Rage

 

 

Tebowing: To get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different.

It's comforting to know that funny people will be in hell with me.

Brother Jed Gets The Support He Really Needs

A bunch of fun-loving UIUC students gathered in the main quad today to give ol’ Brother Jed a taste of his own medicine.
If you hit the link above you will see why Brother Jed is the kind of person that makes my job a little too easy.

He's Off to Target to Buy a Pair of Larger Jeans

 

 

You haven't lived until you've felt bus seat fabric on your bare ass cheeks.

When Animals Attack Other Animals

This started as an innocent-enough video of a kangaroo humping a branch, then took an unexpected turn.
I must say, that turn was pretty unexpected.
Even for a kangaroo-humping-a-branch video.

Channel 9 News FAIL!

This 9 News reporter’s unflappable commitment to the story she’s covering is truly commendable.

Everybody Needs A Hobby:

Guinness World Records has named 52-year-old Rolf Bucholz the Most Pierced Man in the world.
Bucholz, a computer expert from Germany, has pierced himself 453 times.
If you’re looking at this photo and wondering where the other 278 piercings are, they’re in his “genital area.”

Hey Mom My Friends And I Are Gonna Hang At Homo.........I MEAN HOME!!!!!

I remember the first music video I ever watched.
By the way music videos are those things MTV used to show.
I was like 13 years old and my mom took me to my friend's house in Matraville, Alex Rosales.
There he was watching video hits.
There she was Wendy James lead singer for Transvision Vamp.
I masturbated all that day and by Monday morning my school folder was covered in tasteful but still provocative Wendy James pictures.
That was the beginning with my love affair with music videos.
Granted I only like music videos that feature hot chicks.
Remember Cherry Pie, or that song by Whitesnake where that chic is doing cartwheels on top of those Jags?
I thank the next video for showing me how lucky I was to be born mid seventies and go through puberty around the mid eighties.
I'm not quite sure what's going on with today's youth but back in my day if i was dancing to music in my bedroom and my mates were around then the dancing would turn into an ass kicking pretty quickly.
And trust me nothing says ''not sure about my sexuality'' more that filming yourself and your mates dancing around to music topless.
That goes for male and females.
And another hint: If you haven't already come out to your family and friends then this probably isn't the way you want them to find out.

DON'T GRAB THAT BULL BY THE HORNS!!!!....WITH YOUR ASS????

Remember that time when you sneaked your first smoke with your best mate. I do.
Remember that first bong with your bro. I sure do.
But even though my best mate and I travelled basically across all of Europe.
Mainly Holland.
We were staying 20 mins away from the Dutch border. What are we gonna do?
In saying that I have to give you the same answer I gave my mother when she found all the pictures of me and the boys SMOKIN' IT UP. "I didn't do anything illegal. In Holland. And unless you can provide evidence that any of those pictures were taken in any other country other than Holland. Then you can't say anything."
But even though my bros and I are pretty close we will never have the connection these two share.

What Would You Do With $15,000?

 

 

Would you give it to charity? Would you pay off your credit card debt? Would you get your mom a Toyota Prius?
Or…would you buy the edible, life-size gingerbread playhouse for sale in this year's Neiman Marcus Christmas Book? Ding, ding, ding!
If you answered anything besides a house made of three-hundred and eighty-one pounds of gourmet gingerbread with a candy-encrusted roof, then you are a fucking liar.
Because nobody — not Mother Teresa herself (Angelina Jolie) — could resist a giant, habitable cookie with 517 pounds of icing.

Google Knows What Song You Mean

 

The image above has been spreading on Tumblr showing that if you Google "that hipster song with the whistling," you get the most obvious result: "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn & John.
Yet when I search "why is a band from sweden singing in english" Google is of no help…

"ABBA" doesn't answer my question, Google!  Though the purple link does raise another question: Why have I previously visited the Wikipedia page for ABBA?
Whatever.  At least this post gives you a chance to listen to "Young Folks."  It's a good summer afternoon song.  Though of course I would say that… I have a beard, work for my parents (if you can call hanging out work) and I live two minutes from work. If I were any more relaxed I would be in a coma.
Another good summer afternoon song is "Summer Breeze" by Seals & Crofts.
Alright, I'm done here.

Why So Sexist, Google?

 

 

Ok, next question, Google. How do I clean my Mac?
Did you mean: How do I clean my kitchen?

EXPLAIN THIS NZ????

LOVE THE DREAM AUSTRALIA!!!!!

As i have said before i like to exercise, but don't get me wrong i'm no SUCKER.
This is why i have this poster in my workout room. GOD BLESS AUSTRALIA!!!!!!

Motivational Poster Of The Week

Here is a poster every office should have.

My Astrologist Sees Bad Luck for My Baby

 

 

"We put him on baby medical marijuana to counteract the nausea of the baby chemotherapy and now he almost never spits up onto his baby cancer bib anymore."

Bogan Genius

 

 

You can also make your own paper towels by duct taping two rolls of toilet paper together.
P.S.  Bonus points to this guy for using a cutting board.

TIME TO EVALUATE

Today is Evaluate Your Life Day, a day to reflect on our decisions and [fashion] choices and think:

Please respect the law...OR IT'S YOUR ASS

This has got to be the nicest way to illustrate anal intrusion as a punishment for breaking the law. Either that or the gardening program in that prison is top notch.

Don't Worry About The Smell. JUST EAT IT!!!!

Remember when your mom used to say that to you. Doesn't seem so bad now hey.

What I Have Practiced Since My Early Teens.

I knew there was a reason why i am so ZEN.

YUMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Half the job's done.

What More Do You Want???

I know when I shop for a shed I want the Blowjob inclusive. At least a hand job.

I Always Knew He-Man Was A 1%-er

No Touching Son!!

This picture was one conveniently-placed red pole away from being unusable for this site. I hope you’re all happy, FAILers!

Need I Say More?

So Close So Far of the Day:

 Bad luck…or worst luck?

The Movement Is Growing…

 

 

It appears he is also 99% body fat.

update: 5 year old has found her dream job, competes with Jerry Seinfeld

Part 2 of the "5 year old Girl who needs a job before getting married" She has found her job but needs material for her joke ideas. I wonder if Seinfeld can help?

Does This Look Like a Penis?

 

 

I'm going to go so far as to say that if you don't think this looks like a walking penis that has just ejaculated on its own head, there is something wrong with you.
I actually played this course once.  My caddy told me to "keep your tee shot to the right, away from the giant lake of semen."

More Personal Than an Email

 

 

"You're also an inconsiderate little bitch who never replaces the toilet paper when it runs out." – Mom

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Except bother to learn the correct way to spell my lord's name.

God is all forgiving anyway, he won't mind.  

Forever Wrong

Now what i need is a storong drink

5 year old needs a job before getting married

Remember when you had it all figured out? Of course not or else your life wouldn't suck now.
This 1 minute clip is part of a 15 minute video where a little girl discusses her views on life and decides she isn't going to let anything come between her and her goals. She was five years old here. This is a funny and dramatic girl!! here she is talking about how she doesn't want to marry a man until she has a job first!

LET'S ZUMBA!!!!!!!

I like to stay fit. Mainly because I am getting old and I like to date women that are way hotter than me. But at the top of that list is my borderline gay obsession with myself. I am strangely proud of my body.
ZUMBA is the latest craze in exercise and it combines two of my least favourite things.

Music comprised entirely of wind instruments and people in leotards dancing in unicity.

But I can understand why people make the effort every week and head down to their local community centre to exercise to marching music.
My friends and I used to do the same thing in our twenties.
But instead of the local community centre we used to head down to a club with a belly full of drain cleaner to dance the night away.
To be fair we always made sure we were properly hydrated.
And we looked great. I used to do my laundry on my abs.
So this blog is dedicated to those brave instructors who offer unfit people hope for a better tomorrow. This one’s for you.

Are you sure that's the name you want for your restaurant???

My family has a coffee shop and even though I think Peek a Boo Cafe isn't the best name in the world it is by far not the worst. As this clip will show.

REALLY BAD PARENTS

If you are a parent, the next time you feel down about your worth as a father or mother, just watch this video and you will see you aren't so bad after all. And if any of these images seem familiar to you i think the best thing to do is to write a will leaving everything to your kids and then kill yourself. Trust me the kids will be better off. ENJOY!!!!

3D porn premiere in Hong Kong

3D... Asian penis... am I the only one who thinks it won't be all that great a 3D epic?

Maybe the british have a different meaning for the word EXTREME

Far be it from me to judge the world of Extreme Ironing, but what is so extreme about doing "a spot of ironing" on a closed highway?
"Hello, I am an Extreme Fish Shooter. I put fish in a barrel and then I shoot them! Extreme!!"

YOU CAN NEVER WEAR SHORTS AGAIN DUDE!!!!!!

Every decision I’ve made in life hasn’t been what I would call a slam dunk.
That Brian Roachford male Brazilian beach thong I wore to Cronulla beach that day being amongst the top.
And even though I’m pretty sure I caused the riots that day at the very least I got plenty of exercise running away from the 35 lebos trying to kill me and learned a valuable lesson on adequate beach apparel.
But this guy is going to learn that no matter where he goes, and he better hope the CEO of the company doesn’t invite him to Hawaii, he will never be able to wear shorts again.
But judging by the choice of tattoo he doesn’t strike me as the corporate type.

Are HP computers racist?

The above video claims to prove that the new HP computers with face recognition software are racist, since the computer does not follow the face of the black man in the video.
But a computer can't be racist. It's just a machine. It can't make cognitive judgements.
So don't blame the innocent computer! He's just a poor peice of electronics that got caught up in this mess.
You don't blame the pages of a book for having Mein Kampf written on them.
You don't blame your Samsung 52" LCD HD TV for portraying Italian-Americans in a negative light on Jersey Shore. Or the entire human race on Keeping up with the Kardashans ( These people are so meaningless i am not even checking if i spelled it correctly. Instead i would rather waste my time writting this long sub explenation on why i wouldn't bother checking it )
You don't blame a wooden cross for allowing itself to be burned.
Blame Hewlett Packard! They're people! And people are the best at being racist.
That is, until I finish the racist cyborg I've been developing: It's the first cyborg ever to realistically complain about how Asian can't drive.

Poor Ad Placement?

 

 

The Daily What called the above screengrab the "Epic Ad Placement Fail of the Day."
I see it more as an educational conversation starter.
Let's be honest: Little girls aren't going to learn these things by checkin' out what's under Beach Party Ken's trunks.

Nailed It: New Zealand Police's Ad Campaign

 

 

"Okay, now I want to join the New Zealand Police force." — Young man Pedophile

Shirt and Shoes Required

 

 

In her defense the sign says nothing about pants.

Where Do You Poo?

 

 

THIS IS WHEN I VOMIT

As If You Need More Evidence That Being a Turtle Sucks

A baby sea lion riding on the back of turtle.
Why would a sea lion ride a turtle? Maybe it's trying to escape all those damn chuckling yokels ruining his pristine Galapagos beach with unwanted tourism.
Or maybe his Hyundai is in the shop!

International Day Of The Nacho Is Upon Us!!!

 

 

October 21st is the International Day of the Nacho. I have no idea what that means. So to prepare for the festivities I googled the word nacho to find out more and this was the first picture that popped up.
Sometimes these posts just write themselves.

Well Of Course I Am Going To Post This

 

 

Slow news day or the best news day?

Apparently They Have a Different Definition for the Word 'Convenience'

 

 

For your convenience there is also a handicapped parking space two blocks away

Is This Cake Racist?

 

 

I don't think it's racist.  It's just realistic.
Daddy might be the "best" in the white world, but how would he stack up against a black daddy or an Asian daddy?  We don't necessarily know.
Kids gonna go do more research and then come back with a new cake in a few years.